OLDFIELD, MO — BREAKING NEWS: The White House ice cream scandal is finally explained to me, Johnny Rooster, the publisher of the Christian County Trumpet!
After weeks of attempting to contact the aging Chief Executive, to no avail, regarding his misuse of federal tax dollars for a new ice cream parlor added to the White House to the tune of $1.67 billion, White House staffer Lona Shark reached out to my CCT email (ChristianCountyTrumpet@gmail.com) with the following:
White House Ice Cream Parlor
| From: LonaShark@ccpllc/whitehouse.gov Johnny Rooster <christiancountytrumpet@gmail.com> | 7:11 AM (0 minutes ago) |  | |
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Dear Mr. Rooster:
The White House has received your emails regarding use of public funding for recent renovations to the White House property, including an ice cream parlor styled after the 1950s soda jerk days so familiar to our current President, Joe Biden.
The new addition is a welcome reprieve not only for the President, but for white house staff and visitors. Expected annual revenues from the parlor are expected to exceed $3.45 million annually.
Additional revenues will be donated to the childhood obesity fund established in 2013 by former First Lady Michelle Obama.
President Biden personally wanted to assuage your concerns regarding public monies. The addition was actually paid for by his private company, CCP LLC. His accountant and attorney, J. Hunter Biden, III, assured us no public monies were used in the remodel/renovation of the White House.
Furthermore, President Biden has offered you a free tour of the new ice cream parlor and a complimentary sugar cone with your choice of any of the available flavors: vanilla, French vanilla, homemade vanilla, buttermilk vanilla, and the President’s personal favorite, Chinese vanilla.
Please accept our invitation anytime during the occupancy of Mr. Biden or one of his staffers in the The White House.
This offer may expire without notice, so time is of the essence. We look forward to your visit. Donations are accepted at the site.
If you have further questions, don’t feel free to reach out again.
Cordially,
Lona Shark (she/her/they/zir),
Executive Assistant to the Secretary of Diversions and Equity Division of the Supply Chain/Chinese Welcoming Committee and Special Relations
All fears laid to rest
There you have it, folks. Straight from the White House. Whew! It’s good to know we don’t have a misuse of public federal tax dollar issue regarding the new ice cream parlor at The White House. (I wish they’d include chocolate peanut butter instead of only vanilla, but I guess it is the WHITE house!)
Johnny Rooster is Publisher of the Christian County Trumpet, a local source of energy for political and other content relating to taxpayers and voters in SW Missouri.