CHRISTIAN COUNTY, MO — The solar eclipse is scheduled for April 8, 2024, weather permitting. No rain date has been set, so check your calendars!
Depending upon the location of your body relative to the location of the sun, you may or may not notice it getting darker midday April 8. If you do, don’t panic. Could be cloud cover. Could be old age. Could be time for an eye doctor exam.
Or, it could be… the sneak attack by the Russians! (Evil laugh and organ music)
[alliteration alert] Putin’s Posse potentially plots petty problems precisely.
Indeed, Russia’s newly reinstalled for the umpteenth time “dick-tator” continues his nastiness towards his neighbors in Ukraine with inconvenient bombings during rush hour in Kyiv, among other things. Now, he’s turned to a more lofty attack… blacking out the sun!
Putin’s Pranksters reportedly came up with the dastardly plan in late in 2023, and devised a precise timing mechanism to black out the sun, reporting the incident as a “solar eclipse”. The innocent bystanders of the world are indeed fooled once again, thinking this to be a physiological wonder occurring every so often.
Why, last time this happened, I remember going to my son’s school to witness kids putting on goofy 3D glasses and staring at the sky as the sun dropped a degree or two and dimmed temporarily. It looked like twighlight during daylight.
NO, NOT THAT TWIGHLIGHT!
I bet there’s a kid in every class who sneaks a peek at the sun without the GLASSES and ends up temporarily, or permanently, blind.
But that’s the fallout from Russian Terrorist Attacks these days.
Keep your head down and no peeking April 8, folks. Don’t fall for Putin’s Plan to blind you!
Johnny Rooster is a recovering road rager with experience telling impromptu stories to his four sons. He lives in relative peace in a valley near a cave and a sawmill. He writes the Christian County Trumpet for taxpayers and voters and thrill seekers in Christian County, Missouri.