OZARK, MO — In the world of make believe, one could imagine a salty Chrisitan County Trumpet reporter thrusting his microphone in the face of a harried Ozark School Superintendent Dr. Chris Bauman, as Bauman scurries out a side door of a Town Hall meeting.
CCT: Dr. Bauman, why is it you never directly answered the question about how long it’s been since the Ozark School District has been audited?
CB: (Looking frantically for his Uber Limo before forcing a smile for the cameras) As I said, we don’t have access to that kind of information. Please contact our office at 555-1212 for further information during business hours.
CCT: Not so fast, Dr. Slick. You know good and well you’re cookin’ them books like a grade school cafeteria worker!
CB: It’s Bauman.
CCT: Excuse me?
CB: (straightens tie) Dr. Bauman, not Dr. Slick.
CCT: (flicks a cigarette ash in Dr. Bauman’s face) Yeah, okay. So what about the mold situation in the Middle School people keep talkin’ about? Huh?
CB: Look, we have told teachers to keep their doors open after hours. We admittedly have an air flow problem. The building has been around since 1993, which is longer than a lot of marriages. How long you been married, buddy?
CCT: It’s Rooster. Johnny Rooster, not, uh, Buddy.
CB: Whatever. Look, my ride is here.
CCT: Not so fast. One more important question. Do you still have your Napoleon costume?
CB: What?
CCT: Halloween’s just around the corner! (laughs hysterically as Dr. B hops into his waiting ride. A large peal of thunder erupts and the rain comes down.)