If you’re a little on the fluffy side, read this article and you’ll feel as comfortable as you do after binging chocolate chip ice cream from the bucket.
And we all need to feel good these days.
10 DARING WAYS TO LOSE WEIGHT
- Get violently ill. Studies have shown retching your guts out from a stomach flu to be effective on weight loss. In addition, if you have a permanent condition, where keeping food down is a chore, chances of weight loss skyrocket.
2. A sip of gasoline before eating. Though not proven scientifically, this author believes sipping a shot of gasoline (unleaded or premium work equally well) will curb your appetite to the point of weight loss.
3. Drink, don’t eat. If you go 100 days with only liquids, no solid food, you’ll be lighter on the scales. No doubt. No foolin’. No lie.
4. Lock yourself in your bedroom. You need access to a bathroom and shower, so preferably a master bedroom here. The more days in there, the less likely you are to gain weight.
5. Eat liver and cottage cheese. I’m talking, every meal here. As often as you feel hunger. Snacks, meals, bedtime, midnight snack, you name it. Liver and cottage cheese. You’ll lose your appetite, and you’ll lose weight. You’re welcome.
6. Eat anything you want through a used straw.
7. Mix sand or cat litter into any food you eat. Just a sprinkle on every item! Meow!
8. Cook with motor oil. Canola and Crisco are so passe.
9. Binge burritos. If you keep a steady diet of burritos, with only water to wash them down, you’ll feel great all the way to the bathroom. Eventually, you’ll spend more time in the bathroom and less time gaining weight, so the odds are definitely in your favor.
10. Run a marathon naked. You’ll discover how much body fat you have, and your time in jail will shed the pounds. Jail food is crummy.
