BREAKING NEWS OZARK, MO — The CCT caught up with Dr. Chris Bauman for an exclusive interview recently!
Our publisher caught a glimpse of something white and round in the produce isle at the Ozark Price Cutter just the other day. Thinking it odd that a cantaloupe could move on its own, our man quickly deduced it wasn’t a melon at all — it was a bald head, belonging to none other than the Superintendent of Ozark R-VI Schools!
Our fearless leader strode up to where the Super was poking around between the squashes and melons. The following was transcribed from a recording device with the slight hiss of water mist over green leafy things in the background:
Background leading up to exlusive interview
On January 2021, Claudette Riley, the ancient news journalist at the Springfield News-Leader, wrote:
“The Ozark school board wants to keep superintendent Chris Bauman.
At the Jan. 21 meeting, the board voted unanimously to approve a three-year contract for Bauman, keeping him in the district through the 2023-24 year.
Bauman, a longtime Ozark school employee, moved to the top job three years ago. His annual salary is $167,272.”
Rinse, swish, repeat for this year…
Then in January 2023, Ms. Riley, two years older than ever now, wrote in the Springfield News-Leader:
“The Ozark school board unanimously agreed to extend the contract of Superintendent Chris Bauman, currently in his fifth year as the district’s top leader.
His contract now runs through the end of the 2025-26 year.
In Missouri, the longest contract allowed for a superintendent is three years.
In a Friday news release, board president Sarah Adams Orr said the extension was a vote of confidence for Bauman and where the district is headed.
“The school invested in families by turning an historic Ozark landmark into a modern early childhood education center. Transforming other existing resources like the former Fasco building into the state-of-the-art Ozark Innovation Center, Ozark School District is now ready to ensure students can enter a career path, gain certifications or get college credit while in high school,” Adams Orr said.
“Dr. Bauman made a commitment to focus on each individual student’s talents, and is committed to making each and every student future-ready. Over the past several years we have seen the positive results in our students because of that commitment. The Board of Education is happy to have the opportunity to extend Dr. Bauman’s contract for an additional year.”
“It’s been such an honor to be able to work with the students, staff, families and community in Ozark. I’m extremely fortunate to be a part of such a great District,” he said, in the release.
In Ozark, annual salary increases for staff are decided as part of the budget process. Bauman’s current salary stands at $197,364.
CCT NOTE: This dude gets a raise of $30,000 bucks! My 10-99 from last year shows just over $21,000 for the WHOLE YEAR! Gosh, I shoulda been a grumpy math teacher with small man syndrome. I could have duped some administrative suits to hire me for a bundle as a school superman with a fat raise every three years…
Back to our interview
CCT: Dr. Bauman? The school board voted unanimously to hire you on for the maximum allowed contract of three more years. Was that to ensure a pay raise during a transition to the board during the April election?
Bauman: I can’t decide if these muskmelons are ripe. Do you thump ’em like watermelons or no?
CCT: Speaking of the April school board election, which three candidates are you backing?
Bauman: April is a good time to put in a garden. No chance of frost. Just look at these winter squashes! Pathetic, eh?
CCT: All the media outlets that kiss up to you are stating your salary is now just under $200K per year. Quite a jump from the $160K when you took the superintendent job three short years ago…
Bauman: I haven’t looked at the benefits package lately. I hope I get a lower deductible. My eyes are strained lately looking over the books.
CCT: Ah, yes, the books. Can you tell us why your financial officers say stuff like, “If people found out the truth about what’s going on in Ozark, they’d freak out?”
Bauman: Who said that? WHO SAID THAT!?
CCT: Wow, Dr. B, when your bald head turns red like that, you look like a giant radish!
The rest of the interview is curt short due to Bauman rushing from the building. He didn’t even pay for his produce…