by Johnny Rooster
Summer heat makes some people crazy. (Including former Van Halen Frontman David Lee Roth who released an album in 1985 entitled “Crazy from the Heat”.) Click here for more.
And, if you are one of those “crazy” people, you may lose restraint and overspend this summer. Unless you guard yourself. So, lest you break the bank before school starts, here’s some real world advice from a man who lives the truth. I follow ALL of these money saving suggestions, and I suggest you do, too, if you wanna stay financially sound this summer.
1. No coffee buying
You heard me. That’s right, it’s hot out there and the last thing you need is to dump hot liquid down your hot throat.
So, no coffee buying. Not even with creamer. It’s too hot. You could get a blister on your tongue, or spill it on your lap, leading to potentially embarrassing explanations in the ER. (Or those pesky lawsuits like the lady at McDonald’s who found out the hard way just how hot Mickey D’s cup of joe really is!) Click here for more.
Now that I have spared your lap from potential third-degree burns, saved your tongue from blistering, and, most importantly, saved your wallet from buying coffee anywhere (including for personal home use), you can thank me more than any of those reasons for SAVING YOU MONEY YOU NEED!
Click here to find out how much American’s blow on java. It’s crazy, but the average female coffee consumer in America spends more than $193 per month on coffee, so if I’m suggesting (and I am) that you don’t buy coffee this summer, that’s three months of savings for a total of $579! You are welcome, ladies!
Of course, if you go to church, they offer free coffee before the service, so go ahead, and fill your freebie!
2. No tobacco buying
When I was a kid, everybody smoked. It was cheap. A few bucks for a pack. And they smoked a lot, several packs a day. Now, people are somewhat more health conscious, so they smoke like a pack a day. But guess what? The average cost of a pack of cigs in the U.S. is …. wait for it…. $9.74! What? 20 cancer sticks for 10 bucks? It costs more than $14 per pack to kill yourself in New Yawk… and a mere $7.80 per pack in tobacco country, North Carolina. (The smell of money and lung cancer!)
So, no tobacco buying this summer. If you smoke a pack a day, that’s a savings of like a bazillion dollars! Even if you sneak a cig here and there, Jesus still sees you and we can still smell you sometimes. Plus, you are saving so much by NEVER smoking, but that’s a different story.
3. Stop buying weed
If you can stop smoking tobacco, and save all that money, then by all means, stop buying weed (marijuana for you older folks, or pot, or dope, the “devil’s lettuce”, Satan’s salad, wacky weed, whatever you wanna call the five-leaf doobie drug.)
The amount of hard earned money wasted on weed is staggering. The national average for marijuana per ounce is now $318.72 per ounce for the good stuff. I had no idea. I would have guessed $10 per ounce. I asked my wife to guess, and she said, $2. Click here for more. Stats show average users spend $100 to $200 per month, so the savings for the 3 months of summer if you don’t buy it is, $450 on average. You’re welcome.
4. Don’t buy carbonated drinks
Older people (like me) remember the TV commercial advertising Coca Cola. The slogan was “Coke adds life”. Click here to watch it. Americans may add life to their wallets by NOT buying carbonated beverages, however. I don’t buy them. I’m saving $5 per day not going to the convenience store. Americans average about $25 per week on soft drinks, so I’m saving you $300 this summer if you take my advice on this one! And you can learn to burp without it, so don’t worry. My wife can burp on command!
5. No buying of tatoos
Tattoo people are everywhere. They often claim to have a meaning behind each tat. But, my 27-year-old son and I were walking the Battlefield Mall in Springfield yesterday and the topic of tats came up, because we saw so many scantily clad women decorated in ink. “I went to check on getting a simple tattoo in Vegas,” my son said. “Just a small logo of my band on my wrist. But the price was $300. I said, ‘no thanks.’”
Based on that, if you get 10 simple tats, that costs $3,000. So, going natural saves big bucks.
Conclusion
I don’t buy coffee, tobacco, weed, carbonated beverages, or tattoos. Be like me. Save money this summer, and spend it on a vacation to Owosso, Michigan, my birthplace. Click here for more.
And, for those of you too serious to recognize my sarcasm, keep spending!
Enjoy your summer savings!
Johnny Rooster is a professional money saver and keeps his opinions to himself, sometimes.