OLDFIELD, MO — All I want for Christmas is for my son to interact with me.
I’m a dad of four boys, ages 26, 24, 21 and 15. They are all remarkable, fiercely independent, competent and talented. Not one like the other.
I’m so blessed to be their dad. It’s my highest calling in life.
But one of them disconnected from me, for reasons not totally clear, at age 16. He’s 21 now.
I honestly don’t know much about him anymore. He lives in the area, but if he sees me, he turns and walks the other way.
It breaks my heart.
To say I love and miss him is an obvious understatement. I’ve tried everything I can think of: Praying, reaching out to talk, text, visit, write him letters, give him gifts, show appreciation and support.
But, so far, nothing.
Sometimes friends or acquaintances learn of the disconnect and will often ask if my son also disconnects from other family members. The answer is, yes, but not to the extent that he avoids me. I’m number one on his avoidance list. Sometimes they say, “It’ll get better. It’s just a phase he’s going through. He’ll come around.”
I hate when they say that. How do they know? I’ve talked to several people who NEVER hear from their adult children again, no matter how much they want a connection.
When he was 16, the last time he stayed overnight in my home, he told me to take a piece of paper and rip it in two. I did. Then he said, “tell that piece of paper you’re sorry.”
He hasn’t instigated a conversation since.
I saw him when he was 17 in a stage play in high school. He came up afterwards and hugged me but said nothing. Then, at 18, he graduated, but with little acknowledgment of my eager and enthusiastic interest in his life milestone. He got a good job but lost it due to calling in too much.
At 19, he drifted off somewhere. He got a lesser job and floated around from house to house.
This April, he visited my house because an out of state family member he appreciates was there. It was a good interaction. I didn’t really get to talk to him, but it was a time of association, however casual. In May, all four of my boys were together. One is in the Navy and lives far away. I got a picture with my aging parents, all four sons, and myself. Shortly after, something triggered my son and he left in huff on foot, with me calling after him and fighting back tears.
I saw him in October, with another guy, leaving the mall. I called out to him, but he ignored me after realizing it was me.
He had cut his long hair. My first thought when I saw him was, “He looks so handsome.”
I saw him again less than two weeks later, walking along Battlefield Road when I was on a delivery. I felt a mixture of joy and sorrow.
Why am I bringing this up at Christmas?
Because I’m not the only one grieving loss this season. Remember to be kind and understanding, even to strangers. We don’t know what others endure.
Though an empty spot is at my table this Christmas, and a 21-yaer-old young man sized hole is in my heart, I’ll always be ready in case he decides to return.
I love you, son.
Merry Christmas.
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