SPRINGFIELD, MO — On a Friday night at the University Plaza Hotel, I stumble across a political gathering. I’ll call it the “fragile dance to the Missouri Governor’s mansion” among other things.
It involves free food and drink. I don’t even have to wear a suit or a nametag like those who had to pay to be there for Lincoln Days, an annual Republican “boost the troops” gathering held on the weekend of Abe Lincoln’s birthday. (He’ll be 214 years young Feb. 12, BTW! That’s a ton of candles on a cake!)
Fragile Dance continues with free food
Free food. That’s always a plus. Especially since I had just finished hours of Doordash deliveries without being able to eat anything. I eye trays of Chik-Fil-A chicken bites. Gotta wait until it’s socially acceptable to dive in.
“We moved the event down here to the lobby,” Don Carikker says. “That’s a very Republican tie, Don,” I say. His tie is a chorus line of elephant logos. “Only get to wear it once a year,” Carikker beams. He’s a politically minded fellow conservative Christian Countian.
I introduce myself as Johnny Rooster. He smiles with recognition, which is better than the reaction I’d get from some folks. I see Thom Taylor with his trademark reading glasses slid down his nose. More Christian Countians invading Greene County.
Carikker proudly hangs a Christian County Republican something or other banner. He has a big balloon display in the shape of a numeric 7. I ask him about it. “7th Congressional District,” he declares, as if to say, “duh.” (I said, “duh” in his voice in my head.)
Committee commshmittee
A gray-haired gentleman in a gray suit appeares at my shoulder. His head is about where my shoulder is. “Have you thought about being a committeeman?”
Nice, always in recruit mode. I tell him the truth.
“I don’t have a getalong personality. I don’t like boring meetings.”
Shorty is undaunted. “It’s not all meetings. It’s important to have people in place in case someone needs to select a candidate…”
The Wright Governor
A new face approaches. He introduces himself as Mark Wright. “I’m running for governor.”
There’s an opening line!
His wife fills me in after the would-be governor gets sidelined by a guy who knows more about McDonald County than I do.
“He’s 42, been in the National Guard, wants to make a difference; he’s not a politician,” she says.
She’s super nice, and cute.
“He’ll have to talk to more people than any other candidate if he wants a chance against the money and the party,” I say. “His biggest foe is fellow Republicans!”
“Yeah, nobody wants to talk to him in the media. He feels called by God to do this!”
I love her sparkle. “He can send me all the God stuff he wants,” I say. “I love the underdog and I’m interested in printing what the other media outlets won’t.”
I give her my e-mail: ChristianCountyTrumpet@gmail.com and get a selfie with the would-be governor.
John Cockroft vs. John Ashcroft
I step into a side room (there are numerous people in various rooms with banners about this candidate and that office holder, all trying to pump flesh and chat it up for votes.
I am face to face with none other than Missouri Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft. “My real name is John Cockroft; which is a lot like your dad’s name,” I quip. Jay pretends to care.
“I’m sick of election integrity issues in other states,” I say to Ashcroft.
“We can only help our state maintain integrity. Republicans in places like Pennsylvania do stupid things and suffer the consequences.”
“Why can’t the nation adopt a system like Florida and have universal election accountability?” I querie.
“States are supposed to fill that role,” Ashcroft replies. “We can’t have federal government interference; that would lead to more problems.”
In other words, ain’t no way feds are gonna go for something as effective as Florida!
“When you gonna run for governor?” I pump. (After all, ol’ Mike Parson is term-limited out so it’s open game!)
He looks at me, gulps and says, “You’ll be hearing more about that in the future.”
“I figure you and (Lt. Gov) Kehoe will duke it out in the governor’s race,” I say to Ashcroft.
“Kehoe’s welcome to drop out,” Ashcroft replies, not missing a beat.
I like that. Confident and cocky.
Ashcroft’s lovely wife and I chat about their family and public education vs. private. Three of their kids are in private uppity wuppity schools; one is in a public high school.
“I am pretty anti public education at this point,” I say to Mrs. Ashcroft. “The system isn’t impressing me at all.”
Bug-Eyed Burlison
Ashcroft has stepped out to talk shop with an eager new Congressman Eric Burlison. Burlison looks like a frog to me. His eyes. So… bulgy. He gives me the big eyes, measuring up my cowboy boots and blue jeans, and my enviable fake leather jacket from Buckle. He decides, as do I, not to engage in any political fakery.
Tall, skinny, & cold
Down the hall were more beverage selections. Free. I ask for a tall, skinny cold can. Feels good.
Another man says, “I recognize you, but can’t place you.”
We go down the list of possibilities, then discover a connection through James River Church. We discuss the dark side of the mega church that most folks don’t see, but politely agree that the big church does a lot of good in spite of the near toxic ego of the Lead Man.
Another adult beverage and I’m ready for more chicken.
I wander down the hall, full of good chicken and good tall, cold stuff. I see Christina Tonsing (Ozark R-VI School Board candidate) and other Republicans in a big room full of activity, though it’s pushing midnight.
Lincoln would be proud of her for being such a good Republican. I wish ol’ honest Abe were here. He could use his ax on some of these dunderhead politicians. He may even like Chik-fil-a and that wonderful sangria served in plastic cups!